Austin Visuals Animation Studio was recently requested to review a new product launch by a local distributor. If you’re anything like us, you’ve been ravenously anticipating the release of the new version of nothing, from the folks at Nonentity Global Solutions (aka NGS; also the largest international holders of unreal estate, an incredibly stable investment choice).

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There are many reasons why nothing is beloved around the world. For some of us, we believe in nothing simply because we don’t believe in its most prominent competitor, anything (the brainchild of All Entities Interactive Group).

If you are unfamiliar with nothing, nothing has been around since the beginning of time. Then precisely at an undefined moment in time, No One, the founder of NGS, discovered nothing while walking the dog (both canine and yo-yo). No One immediately scooped up nothing and, rather than throwing nothing into a trashcan (as many more or less wise people would’ve done), turned it into an international sensation.

The people at Nonentity have had trouble turning a profit on nothing, though, despite the increasingly high demand for nothing.

“You see, nothing can’t be patented, trademarked, or even understood,” explains No One. “Luckily our development costs were right at $0, so we don’t have to make up any ground.” No One believes the best business decision he has ever made is not to invest in improving nothing, but to keep announcing new versions each year nonetheless.

Nothing is not distributed in a traditional fashion, as you may know. It is made freely available to us all whenever NGS deems fit. Some people call No One a charlatan. Some call No One a genius. Some say nothing at all, which No One says really is the best compliment. Below are our basic pros and cons list for nothing in its “new” (same) formulation.

Why nothing is fantastic-

We will start out with the positive and just state these as general impressions. Frankly, nothing is not utilitarian – at least that’s what we learned at technical school; instead, it’s experienced palpably, with all other distractions removed.

  • Nothing really is as good as it seems. Nothing is that big of a deal.

  • Nothing gives us a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

  • Nothing is sacred.

  • Nothing is better than the Google Self-Driving Car.

Why nothing is awful-

  • Nothing fills us with an internal sense of sadness and regret.

  • Nothing, much more than anything, reminds me of my own humanity.

  • Nothing bores me. Nothing doesn’t pull at my heartstrings.

  • Nothing is less impressive than the Tesla Model S. Nothing is incapable of achieving the highest NHTSA safety rating ever. (Nothing is not a car.)

Try nothing out for yourself

To get your hands on the new version of nothing, simply remain seated and clear your mind. Nothing will immediately download into your brain.


– by Kent Roberts for Austin Visuals (Austin, TX)


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